So SCARY!

I’ve been thinking about the path I will go down later in life, that of becoming a single mother. Every day I become more sure that marriage isn’t for me, but I still get freaked out about becoming a single mom. What if something happens to me? Who will take care of the baby?

Today I did some research into co-parenting with another person/couple to see if that would be a route that would work for me. There were the usual articles along the lines of, “I did this and this and it was horrible” as there are with all alternative parenting techniques, trying to warn people away. It would definitely be a huge decision that I would have to make with people that I’ve known for a long time and trust completely. Then, things could still go south and there could be a custody battle that would entrench us into a legal system that has not adapted to these new types of families. So back to square one. Becoming a single mother, ensuring a stable, loving home, and no court dates and legal fees and custody arrangements.

I only toyed with the idea for a few days before researching it though, so maybe I shouldn’t come to a decision yet. It would be nice to find another person to raise the child with, but that I didn’t have to live with and be romantic with. I’m no good at romantic relationships, and I can’t imagine trying to raise a child and keep a partner happy at the same time. I would probably end up the unhappy one.

I think it’s funny when people say that the best people to raise a child are a married couple. They think the child will see how loving relationships work, and these co-parents and single parents won’t be able to do that. I was raised by married parents and I still can’t handle relationships. Married couples are not guaranteed to raise well adjusted children, so give these single parents and co-parents some slack for trying their best!

Ok, I said my piece.

Becoming a single mom is going to be scary, but I’m going to have to get over that. Nothing that’s easy is worth doing, isn’t that what people say? Or they say that if your dreams don’t scare you, then you aren’t dreaming big enough. Something like that.

A Little Uncertainty But Not Giving Up

Recently I was reminded about the challenges of parenting. My awesome cousin has been struggling with bipolar disorder for several years now and recently had a manic episode. His parents, my parents, and my aunt had to drop everything and make sure he was safe and taken care of. Bipolar disorder runs in my family, mostly in the men, and it has affected my brother, two cousins, and my grandfather, along with who knows how many others in the past. I worried about the possibility that my future children could go through the same struggle, and for a while I wavered on my decision to have kids as a single mother. How could I handle it all on my own?

First I did some research, and knowing that it affected men, looked into how could I make sure I only have girls. There are ways through IVF to do gender selection. I caught myself thinking about ways to engineer the perfect healthy child, instead of ways to support any child I might have.

Who better to take care of a bipolar teenager than someone who has seen it, knows it, has lived with it? I can make sure my kids will be educated, warn them away from mind-altering drugs, teach them coping techniques for stress, and most importantly look for warning signs and get them treatment early. I’d love to have a son someday, and I’m not going to let the possibility of mental illness get in the way of my dreams of a family.

Dreaming About the Future

When I imagine the future after I have kids, husband or no, I imagine myself working from home and being able to spend time with them while they’re little. I would hire a nanny or baby sitter to watch the kid(s) while I have to work, but then I could eat lunch with the kids and take them to the park when the weather is nice. In order to make this dream come true I need to work on my career to get to the point that I can start my own freelance/consulting business from home. I did a lot of research today. It’s gonna be difficult and probably require more schooling, but just being able to work for myself is goal enough. The idea of being home with the kids during the most formative years is even more inspiring.

I Found An Ally!

I can’t believe what happened the other day. I was talking to my friend over dinner one night, and she blurted out that she wants to go to a doctor and get an IUI! She has had the same thoughts as myself. We’re both single and getting older, so maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised. Then it got even weirder when she said she wanted to do it at 32. That’s the same age I have been planning for! So we decided that that we will both be moms in 2020. Amazing. This doesn’t mean that we’ve completely given up trying to find someone, but now we have a plan. If we’re both single at 32 we’ll be pregnancy buddies. I hope it works out for us!

Starting A Blog

I’m 27 1/2 years old. Only 4 1/2 years to go.

I’ve recently decided that I want to be a mom in the year 2020. I’ll be 32 years old that year. I think that sounds like a great year and a great age to start a family. Maybe I’ll even have my life in order by that time. I know that it might not happen as planned, but I think that if I’m at least trying to conceive (TTC) that year, then I can call myself a mom in progress.

I’m also considering becoming a single mother by choice (SMC). I would raise the baby on my own and the baby would be conceived using donor sperm. I think most people would be worried about the difficulty of raising a child by yourself. I’m not worried about that; I know I can do anything. I’m more worried about the affect it might have on the child to not have a dad around. But single mothers raise kids without a dad all the time, and they turn out alright.

I’ve been dating unsuccessfully for almost a decade now. People my age are getting married, buying homes, and having their first (or second!) kid. I always thought that would be me, but it hasn’t happened yet. Sometimes I think it hasn’t happened because I don’t want it to happen.

But 4 1/2 years is a long time. Will I meet a guy I want to have kids with by then? Maybe, but I can’t count on it. And either way I will be a mom. That’s all that matters. For now all I can do is plan and dream.

Usually I hate being reminded that I’m getting older, but when my half birthday rolled around this year I was actually excited. Only 4 1/2 years to go! I can’t wait to be a mom.