I had a very uplifting conversation with my father on the phone the other day. We were talking about my boyfriend and how I don’t think it’s going to work long-term. I’m thinking of breaking up with him actually… Anyway, my dad said that he knows a few women that didn’t get married until they were much older, and if I didn’t feel like getting married then I shouldn’t. I wasn’t going to get married if I didn’t want to in the first place, but I felt like I was disappointing my parents by not being married. Now I know that they’re not that disappointed. Then I brought up being a single mother by choice, and he was supportive of that too! He said he would just be happy to be a grandpa. He mentioned that it would be hard to be a single mom. That is what I have been thinking about a lot lately. If I go through with it in the future, hopefully he will be sympathetic to the difficulties I will encounter. We also talked about what our (very religious) family members would think about it. We both agreed that they probably won’t care, and we won’t care if they do have a problem with it.
I’ve talked to both of my parents about the deadline I’ve given myself. If I’m going to be a parent, I need to start trying in two years. I can’t believe how fast the year 2020 is approaching. It still doesn’t feel like enough time. I have so many things that I still want to do, like going to grad school and starting a new career. Maybe I can pack all of that in before I start trying to conceive or get it done simultaneously.
On a brighter note, my dog is 11 months old and has significantly calmed down! She used to be quite a handful. I would say that I have made it out of puppy hell and into dog heaven! I am even shopping for a new area rug for the living room. She has stopped chewing on anything and everything in sight, so I can start to buy nice things again!
I can’t believe after 4 months that I’m still in a relationship. Somehow it’s still working. It’s looking like I will be in a relationship on Valentine’s Day for the first time in 6 years. I am kind of looking forward to it.
I still have a lot of reservations though about this being long term. I feel like when you meet someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with, you would just know. But this one I don’t know, so maybe it’s not meant to be? He’s not who I imagined I would end up with at all. And there are some big problems we would have to work through. I wish that we had more in common because he treats me really well.
On another topic, I sometimes wonder if anyone will ever be good enough at all. Recently I balk at the idea of being married more than I think about it in a positive way. I think marriage is so built up in our society that there’s no way I won’t be disappointed after I get married. And I don’t know if I could promise to spend the rest of my life with someone in front of all of my friends and family. That’s a lot of pressure!
Happy New Year!
Time for my yearly tradition of setting resolutions to work on during the year.
- Lose 20 pounds
- Study Japanese and pass the JLPT Level 1
- Save money for grad school AND/OR
- Find a job that will pay for grad school
I am really struggling right now between wanting a family and making my career dreams come true. A lot of people my age are having babies right now, and I just spent the holidays playing with my cousins’ kids. But I know I’m not ready to have a baby yet even though I wanted to be pregnant yesterday. Right now my goal is to get a graduate degree. I have always wanted to get an advanced degree before I have kids.
I have been trying not to set weight loss goals because it’s more about being healthy than being thin, but I have finally found what works for me. I am the healthiest I have been in years. If I can get the last 20 pounds off I will be set up for some great years in my 30’s. Every year older it gets harder to lose weight so this is the time to do it.
I have some difficult goals ahead but I am ready to rise to the challenge!
So it’s almost the end of 2017 and it has been a big year of changes. I like to take a look back at my resolutions and see how I did at the end of the year.
- Read more non-fiction books
This did not happen at all. I barely have time to read now. I think I read maybe three books the entire year. It has been bittersweet to lose my reading time, and maybe I’ll get it back soon.
This actually did happen! I found the perfect little house near my job. It was the right price so I went for it. I definitely miss having a landlord to take care of all the little things that go wrong, but not having someone living underneath or above me anymore is great. I also have a nice sized yard which is hard to come by as a renter. Getting a house gave me the opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream of getting a puppy. Taking care of a puppy was probably the most work I have ever done (besides getting my degree) and it’s still a lot of work. I had to grow a lot really fast and I have never felt more like a responsible adult.
- Change diet to exclude dairy (I think it’s giving me stomachaches)
This has been very hard. I have compromised by taking a lactase enzyme pill before eating dairy (if I can remember). My diet changed a lot this year. I cut out a lot of carbs and started eating salad for lunch instead of pre-made frozen meals from the grocery store. Combine that with walking a dog 4-5 times a day and I lost 30 pounds! I also jogged about an hour every day as well when the weather was nice. I did not start the year trying to lose weight but I’m glad I did. I even got the doctor to finally change my high blood pressure medicine. I hope I can lose some more weight and get it lowered even more.
This surprisingly worked out. I joined Match.com (I got gifted a subscription) and met a guy that lives near me. There aren’t very many nice guys left, but this guy is really sweet and easy to talk to. He isn’t perfect, but I’ve seen what else is out there and it’s nice to find someone that isn’t full of themselves or condescending to me. I don’t know if it can last but I want to see how long we can make it.
- Study Japanese (undecided on taking JLPT in December)
Did not study and did not take JLPT.
- Go to more baseball games
My baseball game buddy moved away and now I’m stuck watching them at home and texting her during the game. I haven’t worked up the courage to go to a baseball game by myself yet.
- Donate to charity and volunteer my time
I didn’t get to volunteer but I did donate some money to the local homeless shelter and participated in fundraising for the hurricane victims in Texas and Florida. I wanted to donate so much more money but I had to really tighten my budget in order to save money.
So to sum up 2017, my life is really different now. I own a home, but with more freedom comes more responsibility. I got a dog that keeps me so busy I don’t have time to read much anymore (or watch TV, or hang out with my friends, or study…) but we do other things like play at the park and take long walks. And hopefully as she gets older I’ll get more time to pursue my hobbies. I am dating a nice guy finally, but I am not disconnected from reality and not willing to settle. And I am hopeful for 2018!
I am no longer in puppy hell, but adolescent limbo. I am finally paying for training starting next week. I can’t wait to be in dog heaven! She is so much better behaved than when she was a puppy, but there is still a lot of room for improvement.
I hit a big goal of mine recently. This year I lost 30 lbs (from chasing that puppy all the time) and I was able to change my high blood pressure medicine. They took out the water pill, so now it’s only the medicine that relaxes my arteries. I wish I could get off of it completely. Maybe if I lose more weight, but I am not trying to lose any right now.
I asked the doctor about changing to a medicine that’s safe for pregnancy in the future. She said it’s possible and we would talk about it more when it gets closer. Only a couple more years to go.
I am still re-thinking about the whole baby thing now that I have a puppy. Life is so different now. I can’t take my eyes off the puppy for a second. I have to plan my life around the puppy. The puppy costs so much money. It’s a little scary what would happen if I had a baby. It would be nice to not have to do it alone.
On that note, I started dating a guy recently. It’s going well so far. He’s very different from anyone I’ve ever dated. He’s very country, collects guns, wears cowboy boots and camo, and drives a big truck. He seems like a very nice guy, very hardworking and always willing to lend a hand. Although he denies caring about politics, he has voiced some very conservative opinions that I don’t agree with. We have talked a few times about current events, like the minimum wage going up or gun control, and it usually ends amicably. I have been around the block a few times though. A lot of men will say anything you want to hear, while feeling differently deep down. Then when the truth comes out it feels like a huge betrayal. I am guilty of it too, that’s how I know when someone is doing it. I am trying to feel him out still. I don’t know him that well, and it will be a long time before I do.
Work is very very busy right now. Busier than it has been in years. I don’t think my performance has been stellar this year, and upper management might not be happy with me. Hopefully I can rise to the challenge and impress them. I am a bit of a procrastinator, so it’s easy for me to focus on what is due right away and not what is due in a few months. Then the deadline comes up and I have to cram half a year’s worth of work in one month. I am also poor at time management. Hopefully I still have a job when this is all over, but I want to start looking for a new job next year anyway. My goal is to quit before they can fire me. They fire a lot of people where I work, compared to my past jobs.
-never sleeping in again
-hiding from the puppy to eat dinner and snacks
-the house is never clean
-so. much. laundry.
-everything in the house now belongs to the puppy
-never getting to sit down because of chores and taking care of the puppy
-paying for daycare and babysitting
-can cause so much damage in very little time
-always finding new ways to put its life in danger
I can’t wait until puppyhood is over!
I have been putting off making this update. I got a puppy at the end of May and it has been a really busy 6 weeks since then. I knew having a puppy was going to be hard but I wanted a puppy so bad that I didn’t think about how hard it would be. She is full of energy and always wants to play. She is teething and chews on everything, including me. She hasn’t had any training but I will take her soon. Luckily she is a very sweet dog and I haven’t had any big behavioral problems. The worst is when she is playing and those sharp little teeth nick my skin or my clothes. All of my lounge clothing have holes in them and she has ripped two work shirts. I am running out of clothes!
I can’t wait until she is a big dog that likes to hike with me at the park and then come home and cuddle on the couch! She is growing really fast right now. Every day she looks a little different. Every day her behavior gets a little better, too.
This weekend I had an eye infection and taking care of her was hard. Sometimes I have to just give up and let her do what she wants, like dig in the yard. I’m feeling a little better now, but it’s hard not being able to rest. I can’t take my eye off of her!
This experience is making me evaluate my plans to have a baby on my own. A puppy is very different from a baby, but a lot of people have told me there are similarities too. If this is my life with a puppy, I’m sure a baby will be even more difficult. In a few months I will probably forget how hard it was. And every once in a while I catch myself thinking “I still want one.” Also, “I want another puppy.”